Archive for the ‘Sexy Story’ Category
A bloke wins the lottery and decides to buy…
A bloke wins the lottery and decides to buy himself a Harley Davidson, he goes down to his local bike shop and after purchasing a top of the range bike, the owner of the shop tells him to coat the bike in Vaseline every time it looks like raining. That night he goes and picks his girlfriend up on his new toy and heads over to her parents house for the first time. As they arrive there, she explains to him that whenever they have dinner, don’t talk.
“If you talk,” she tells him, “you have to do the pots.” The man is astounded as he walks into the house as it is a complete mess. Anyway, the family all sit down for dinner not saying a word. The man decides to take advantage of the situation by groping his girlfriend’s tits, yet there is not a sound from anyone.
So he decides to shag his bird on the table, and still there is not a word. He then proceeds to do his girlfriend’s mum over the table, but still, amazingly, there’s not a word from anyone. Just at that moment he notices the rain on the kitchen window and remembers his precious motorbike, so he reaches into his pocket and flops the Vaseline out.
At which point his girlfriend’s dad leaps up and shouts, “Okay! Okay! I’ll do the fucking pots!”
A young lady in the maternity ward just prior…
A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labour is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth.
“I’m afraid I don’t have a husband” she replies
“O.K. do you have a boyfriend?” asks the Midwife “No, no boyfriend either.”
“Do you have a partner then?”
“No, I’m unattached, I’ll be having my baby on my own.”
After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman. “You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see her that the baby is black”
“Well,” replies the girl. “I was very down on my luck, with no money and nowhere to live, and so I accepted a job in a Porno movie. The lead man was black.”
“Oh, I’m very sorry,” says the midwife, “that’s really none of my business and I’m sorry that I have to ask you these awkward questions but I must also tell you that the baby has blonde hair.”
“Well yes,” the girl again replies, “you see I desperately needed the money and there was this Swedish guy also involved in the movie, what else could I do?”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” the midwife repeats, “that’s really none of my business and I hate to pry further but your baby has slanted eyes.”
“Well yes,” continues the girl, “I was incredibly hard up and there was a little Chinese man also in the movie, I really had no choice.”
At this the midwife again apologises collects the baby and presents her to the girl, who immediately proceeds to give baby a slap on the bum. The baby starts crying and the mother exclaims,
“Well thank fuck for that !”
“What do you mean?” says the midwife, shocked.
“Well,” says the girl extremely relieved, “I had this horrible feeling that the little bastard was going to bark!”
A guy dies whilst making love to…
A guy dies whilst making love to his wife. A few days later the undertaker calls her and says, “Your husband still has a hard-on, what shall I do with it?” The wife replies, “Cut it off and shove it up his arse!” The undertaker does as he is told. On the day of the funeral the wife visits her husband for the last time and sees a tear rolling down his face, so she whispers in his ear, “It fucking hurts doesn’t it!”
Conjugal Rights and Wifely Duties-Part 3(the end)
“Oh yes dear! I slept very well indeed, like a baby. I didn’t dream and I
don’t think I stirred. I’m going to carry on taking a tablet every night, if you don’t mind?”
If I didn’t mind! I laughed to myself and went off to work with my new set of photo’s to show the lads. I was also thinking about the other things I’d seen in the sex shop, manacles and silk ropes and other devices, and planning to talk to Tom. Oh No! I didn’t mind!
When I got to work the lads pestered me until I showed them the new photos. The leather hood aroused some comment but as I expected the lascivious photo with my wife’s fingers stuck into her asshole got raucous support. The
other one they particularly liked was the butt cum shot.But they also asked me when I was going to have some “proper fuck photos” to show them.
I showed Tom the photos later. He spent some time studying them all, squeezing his crotch at the same time. He gave me the opening I needed when he whistled in appreciation and said
“Wow! I wouldn’t mind giving her one, quite a figure!”
When I told him that he had said that before. he looked at me strangely and said, “you aren’t telling me that this is your fucking wife are you? I didn’t think that she’d be into this sort of thing. No offence, she’s got a hell of a fuckable body but she always seems so prudish.”
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